this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
