I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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