But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
