Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
