my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
