I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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