If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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