He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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