hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
