I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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