you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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