Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
