And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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