Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
