i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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