omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
