everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
