he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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