i can't believe i had my finger in that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
