Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
