would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
