I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
