I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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