My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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