I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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