I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
