My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
