Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
