Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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