oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
