Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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