I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
