i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
