I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
