have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
