I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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