Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
