I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
