My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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