ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
