Whod you bang
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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