what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
