im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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