Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
