If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
