11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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