Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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