oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
