He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
