I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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