You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
