I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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