"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
