Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
