Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
