kristin has been a bad kristin
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
