did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
