God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
