it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize