He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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