life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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