There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
