at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
