Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
