I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
His nipple licking is glorious
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