I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm both gender and math confused
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
