He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
