I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
