how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
