I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
