You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
