You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
