grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
