dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why are your pants in the freezer?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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