This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
