Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
