i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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