I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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