I want to stick my p in your. b.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
