I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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