well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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