i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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