I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
