when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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