After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
