My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
