my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
