Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
