i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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